Make fucking love, damn you!

The premise of this one is pretty straightforward:

I, in my expert opinion, am here to tell you, hot stuff (yeah, YOU!), that the only time all-out frickin' war is a good idea is when it’s quickly followed by dirty, hot, sticky sex. In fact, oil up. Even better.

Stay with me.

One of my *jobs* is try to help morons settle their disputes. I’m not a rented judge, although some do make that mistake. I’m simply there to help them realise that by the time it’s escalated to a formal case, they may as well decide what they can live with because justice is usually off performing the cancan in a sleazy nightclub.

Credit where it’s due, most of the time people manage it. It’s frustrating, they get pissed off, threaten to leave, say they can’t believe they’re accepting this, THIS which is so much less than they’re due. Yet they take it, because the alternative is handing it all over to some judgeman/devilwoman (well, have you ever been before a female Judge? They’re scary as shit dude!) who, let’s be honest, may have diarrhoea that day.

But a few folk will argue over the stupidest fucking things. Take it ALL THE WAY. Talk about what’s fair, when what they really want is to make that rat bastard on the other side gets what’s coming to him. One or more lawyers are usually present, spouting professional opinions, while suckling greedily at the wallet. Oh, yeah, baby. Your principles make your lawyers cream their pants.

What? I’m allowed to say that. I’m one of them/you/it/whatever.

I jest, but you get the idea.

It’s all bullshit man. Boredom. Go ahead, climb up inside every barney that comes your way. I'm all for that. But don’t make it into a crusade friend. Don't.

And yo, personally, I'm a total fan of the art of war. It’s a total rush. I punched a guy once (what? He deserved it! Pfft!) and I get that same emancipatory current run through me every time I win an argument. But I’m also woman (and occasionally man) enough to accept a view which is better reasoned than mine. It’d be foolish not to.

So, back to the moral of this piece, this time in algebraic form: If X is war, X = 0, unless either preceded or particularly where postceded by SE.

Trust me dude. I’m like a doctor of this shit.

;-)